i for one am a complicated person. i tended to intellectualize too much. i got in the way of my success of attaining sobriety and i guess about life in general. my questioning things became incessant. i was so busy doing that i lost my way. that AA saying k.i.s.s. was true particularly for me. i needed to keep It Simple Stupid. i was digging a hole to nowhere if i didn't. it's not easy tho. i think for me it was avoiding my feelings/emotions cause they terrified me. my sponsor said i "had nothing but false pride and ego. i really didn't have any humility." how dare she!!! FINALLY i protested and she explained that was my veneer to not accept my disease of alcoholism. instead i would skirt around my dillema. omg-spelling. it was too scary to look at myself and what i'd become. but i had to be brought down to size and look at myself honestly-scary, scary. alcohol ruled my life! why did i allow it to? give in to it rather than accepting the responsibility for my life? a tall order to grow up. but if i wanted to get better it was something i needed to do to truly live. i needed to get out of the debating society. wasn't easy but i worked on it and discovered i wasn't the center of my universe. there was a god and i wasn't it.
do my observations of my old self help you at all? can you identify with part of my story?
i achieved a peace and serenity i had never known when i surrendered to the fact i couldn't do any of this alone. that was a revalation for me.