r8 - sounds like "object constancy" issues. I just googled it, and a bunch of articles, books, etc came up. you might want to spend some time doing that, I found it comforting myself! even though I feel I can keep T in mind at this point (and vice versa). there are a lot of different aspects to it I learned from just one article, that I wasn't really aware of.

I think that is a GREAT idea reading a bit to your therapist even if it is for only 10 minutes. I know mine would allow it without hesitation. I do know how difficult it is when my therapist is away. Boy do I struggle, but she has allowed me to photograph her, she has taped stories she has read from books I had requested and she even will write me a short letter to have with me to deal with those issues I have with her being away. her and I share a love of books and it seems this past year we have been reading alot of the same books. I ususally have a book with me when I come to my session to read in the waiting room. She always takes a look at what I am reading. Ofton she says she has read the book. About a month ago she made a comment on the book I was reading and asked me if it was any good. I had told her I thought it was. I was pleasantly suprised last week she made a reference to that that particular book and I asked her "Did you read it?" and she said that she did and she enjoyed it. I just had to smile because usually it is the other way around :0)
Anyways sometimes it is through books that I can't connect with her about some of the struggles I have. She always tells me there is no one way to do therapy. She is very open minded. Good luck

Rainbow, I'm not sure reading 10 minutes to your T each week would be good. This idea has elements of coercion in it, as you have already told your T several times you would like her to read this book, you have given her the book, told her she can keep it, etc. You have tried to get her to read this book and she has chosen not to, for whatever reasons. It seems your reading to her every week might be a way to insist she does what you want, or it might come off that way.

If I'm understanding correctly, you want your T to understand the relationship between Torey and the child in the book. This is important to you because you think it will help give your T insight into some of your own struggles. Is that right? I think you can achieve that without your T having to read (or have read to her by you) the entire book. I have almost completed reading One Child, and I think there are some great passages in it that could illustrate what you want to communicate to your T. This will require you to do some work and read through the book again and choose the best passages. But this is something you really want, so I think you would be willing to do that work, wouldn't you? You wrote that it is more than just certain passages but the entire relationship between Torey and the child that you want to communicate so your T needs to read the whole book. I'm not sure I agree. I think there are some great passages that illustrate the relationship. Plus, you could preface your reading of the passage with an explanation of how the relationship was so special, how it is relevant to your own situation, etc. I think you can make this work without requiring your T to sit through your reading each week.

Speaking for myself, it would be very hard for me to follow the train of thought or feeling in a book if I just heard 10 minutes of it each week. I just don't think that would be that effective. Maybe I'm just too forgetful. I think you can make finding an illustrative passage or two, combined with your own explanation, work for you and your T. And then your T won't feel this is coercion or manipulation on your part to get her to read this book come hell or high water. You have great communication skills, Rainbow. I believe you can communicate what is important about this book to your T without her having to read the entire book.

Rainbow, as an attorney, I've had a client who really wanted me to read a certain book because he was certain it would help me to understand his case and more effectively defend him. The book may have been tangentially relevant to the case, but the client had already explained the case to me, and I already knew the law. Also, I knew there was no way that the client was okay with me charging him for my time in reading the book. He kept telling me I should WANT to read the book because it was so good and would be helpful to me in my future career, blah, blah.

So, my client wanted me to waste my free time reading this book because HE found it really helpful, when it would do nothing to help me or further the case. When I said (nicely) I knew what I was doing, the guy wanted to read me passages from the book. Frankly, I found it hugely irritating and thought the client was controlling and lacked trust in me. I thought about firing him as a client, and as things turned out, should have. Although I am not a therapist, obviously, no professional will appreciate the attitude that she has to read a book you want her to in order to do her job. Just my two cents.

I think sunrise and my kids are cool have given you some great advice. You have made it abundantly clear to your T that you want her to read this book, and she has made it equally clear to you (via her actions) that she does not want to. She's said "no" in about every polite way that there is. Clearly, she does not think reading the book would be helpful to HER. And, from what you wrote previously, this seems to be an educated decision on her part. It's not simply a lack of time or something she just brushed off; she knows what the book is about, who the author is, etc and she has made the informed decision not to read it.
She did tell me it's lack of time.
She does, however, seems to appreciate the fact that the book has been helpful for YOU and she seems interested in continuing to hear about how YOU relate to the book. Furthermore, hearing you read the book aloud will tell her nothing about how/why YOU find the book useful. Hearing someone read aloud is a passive exercise; it's difficult to follow along, it's "choppy," and if you're not interested in the book in the first place, it can be quite boring and tedious. It gets you away from doing the real "work" of therapy (and even from connecting with one another).
I agree with that. I posted it in my response to farmergirl.

Moreover, proposing that you read the book aloud for 10 minutes each session IS coercive (even if it's unintentional). It's trying to "force" her to read the book and it's trying to usurp her power to say "no." I know you probably don't mean it this way, but it comes across as a hostile and offensive gesture. It says that you don't respect her right to say "no" and it suggests you think she NEEDS to read the book in order to do her job. It almost always comes across as offensive when someone outside of your profession suggests you'll understand your job better if you read something THEY have discovered. Speaking from personal experience, I HATE IT when people outside of my profession suggest I read something they think will be helpful to me professionally (and it happens frequently). I find it to be rude, intrusive, and awkward (because I have to find a way to say "no" without being impolite and, often, people ask more than once, which means they are not respecting my right to say "no").
You're right and I have trouble with that. It's triggering me and I have to figure out why.
But, more importantly, your T has already proven she's a good T and does not need to read the book in order to treat you. She's a professional and she already know how SHE handles the client/therapist relationship (with you and with others). She doesn't need to learn from Tori's model. She's not Tori and she doesn't want to be; she's herself! And that's why you benefit from working with her, right? Because you find her method to be useful? And if it's the similarities between her and Tori that you find interesting, what do you hope to gain by pointing them out? There isn't much for her to "do" with those similarities other than acknowledge them. It seems that the only interesting part about the book is YOUR reaction to it and WHY you have this strong desire to share it with your T. Is it really about the content of the book? Or is it about the dynamics between you and your T with respect to her reading/not reading the book? Maybe it's a combination of both? In reading your posts, that seems to be where the "fruit for thought" lies.
[B]Yes, it's both. You've clarified my issues very well. Thank you.[B]
Good luck!