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but it is those details that I don't actually want in my head and find really disturbing at times - I totally understand why it would not be appropriate to share them here - but even the Samaritans blank them. Maybe everyone is right, if we focus more, it makes them more risky, but the alternative is a very lonely one.
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I am not a trained professional, and I could be wrong, but I have always felt that it is especially such dire thoughts that need to be expressed (in the right environment) and hopefully dealt with. else they will just fester. Of course, finding the right person to talk to about them is probably not easy.
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I just don't know where to start really - like a big cake has been mixed up and I can't see the individual ingredients anymore. Plus I am tired of going over the same things.
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I know exactly what you mean. I have gone over my own issues a gazillion times and it also has become a big mish-mash in my brain. Funny thing though, because I have no insurance, I was forced to be my own T. It has actually empowered me and I think I understand myself as much as any T could. I even found peace for a while. Even though that peace has gone away for now, I hope the self awareness that I have gained will one day lead me out of the despair again. I really hope you will find some peace too one day Soup.
