You've done some meditating I think, so you know there are two kins ... One where of mindfulness where you bring focus to a thought or cluster or thoughts--& I think that is what you do not want to do with suicidal preoccupations.

However, there's another type of meditation, the form of release. You invite Obama these thought into your mind in order to release them from your mind and into the universe. I think ideas that we harbor of our death are best set free.

If you aren't able to set them free through meditation or journaling, maybe you do need a partner or mentor or sponsor or someone whom you could "release"this to--not for comment, feedback, or any other purpose that simply to flow freely away from you. They are not evil throughts--you're not subject to judgment.

My opinion.

Roadie