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Old Apr 25, 2012, 02:52 AM
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lbrown1 lbrown1 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2012
Location: missouri
Posts: 54
So I am 29, bipolar 2, mixed episodes, and I struggled through life without meds until the end of last year. I had my first ever suicide attempt during a severe mixed episode. Thats when I was introduced to my first psychiatrist, therapist, and quite a few different medications. I guess the meds working.. but I didnt 'feel' like the same person.. the person I had known my whole life.. the bipolar me. So a couple months later I stopped taking them.. Iv dealt with my episodes and cycling but I know eventually I am going to lose control. Im in my first hypo-mania/mania's since I quit taking the meds and I could kill myself.. I spent everydime I had saved for the last 8 months in just a week.. (it was quite a bit.. I had fun doing it but I know sooner or later Im gonna wanna kill myself for doin it.)
How can I not take the meds and not mess my life up at the same time?
I dont feel like I know myself at all when Im on the meds.. I dont like the 'normal' me. Ive been bipolar as long as I can remember, I think its unfair for my family to expect me to start being 'normal' now that im almost 30yrs old. Am I wrong? Is it possible for me to get ahold of myself and manage this with out meds? Im driving myself crazy wandering if im a complete idiot...
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