(((((((((((((( LBF ))))))))))))))

I so understand where you are coming from. Forgiveness is sometimes a very hard concept to come by. As another poster said, it truly is a freeing experience but, it may only come when we have been able to work through much of our abuse.

I was able to forgive my abusers. This did not mean that they were "off the hook" or that "what they did was ok", not by any stretch of the imagination. It came when I was finally able to realize that they were sick. To me, that was not an excuse, but a reason as to why they did what they did. It came when I realized that I had no control over what they did, but I did find control over how I dealt with the aftermath.

Forgiveness came when the burden of being so angry and hurt and I realized it was affecting my relationships with family and friends and at work. The relationships I had were because I wanted to have them, and it was not their fault that I was abused and hurt. They didn't deserve my anger and frankly, neither did I. It was too heavy, it was too harmful to me.

No, forgiveness was not for the benefit of the abuser. Forgiveness was for my benefit and for my loved ones. It also included forgiveness for myself for the way I treated others because of the abuse inflicted upon me. When I forgave myself, it was like a new day had dawned. I was able to apologize to those I treated unfairly and I received forgiveness from them as well.

I pray that someday soon you will find a way to forgive yourself and your abuser. It will come to you when you are ready for it. It will come to you when you have worked through your emotions, it will take time. Please be easy on yourself through this process.