I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years, we have been married for 18 months. I love him dearly but in the last few months I have fallen for someone else.

The person I have fallen for has been a friend for a few years. We always have been attracted to each other, but never really realised it was mutual until a few months ago. I never acted upon it before as I was happy and content with my husband, but in the past few years I have found that my sex drive was completely lost. I thought it was me and that I must have a problem, I simply just didn't feel like having sex, I was never aroused or turned on and the longer it went on the worse it got. I started to get a bit concerned as I have always been a very sexual person and really enjoy sex and was becoming a bit depressed as I am on 30 and don't want my sex drive to be gone. Meanwhile I had started hanging out with a friend of mine a lot more - just purely circumstantial - and started to realise my attraction to him was getting stronger. And then one night, when we were hanging out, and very drunk I might add (not that it is an excuse it just took away any inhibitions) we acted upon it and kissed. It didn't go any further that night, we talked about it but then the next time we were together we slept together.

After this I realised that my lack of sex drive problems were clearly not just 'me' but with my relationship with my husband. I am just not attracted to him anymore. He is a wonderful person, I still love him and he is a great companion, but I don't feel anything physical and I don't know what to do. At the time of this we were getting ready to relocate to a different city, so my friend and I always new anything was going to be short lived, but along the way, and very quickly, we fell for each other. We are so alike and have so much in common and most of the time we were together it was never completely about the sex - we would hang out for hours before anything physical would happen.

I have since spoken to my husband - not about the affair but about my feelings - which was difficult to do - and he was hurt but is optimistic we can work it out. I had hoped that by moving and not seeing my friend anymore the feelings would go away, hoping they were just 'in the moment and the excitement of something different and new' but they haven't, if anything they have become stronger and he feels the same and now I don't know what to do. It's all I think about. I feel terrible for my husband as he doesn't deserve this, I feel terrible for my friend because, even tho he had a choice I am still hurting him and I feel terrible that I am placing the physical as such an important thing as everything else with my husband is great....but the physical is important to me. And to be honest the sex with my husband was always good, but the sex with my friend is the best sex I have ever had - not just because it's new and exciting and different, but because we are so intuitive and like the same things and just get each other. There are some sexual things that have always been missing with my husband - not his fault it's just we are different and I don't want to have to make him do different things in bed, I want them to be things he thinks of himself.

So I am at a crossroads, it's all I think about every day, and I don't know what to do anymore. If it was as simple as it's just sex and I could choose my husband and let my friend go I would, but the feelings are so much deeper and even tho no one can predict outcomes I am scared of making the wrong choice. Until now I have never looked at or been interested or attracted to anyone but my husband, so the fact this has happened means something. Is it fate? I am so confused and sick of having this running thru my head. Can anyone help?