That is so good, lost! I am kind of the same way, it's like it's always an option in the back of my mind. Frankly, I think it's because the FOO was always half-planning to get rid of me. So we absorbed their intent. Not so much drink the Kool-Aid as it became part of our cheesecake swirl. And when we get depressed, the swirl is right there, isn't it? There is a technical term for this (I forget what it is). Then something happens like I get bronchitis? and I say, well, all I have to do is not go to the doctor and that could be the end, ya know? but I don't like being in pain, or some survival instinct kicks in, idk. anway, so glad you guys worked this out!