I don't like that part of me down there. Sometimes I think it is the root of all evil and it would be better if I didn't have a hole there. I figure the only good things that come from it are babies and the ability to make love to someone.

I don't consider down there are part of me. I think it's a flaw and the worst part of me. The thought of touching myself sickens me and fingers there are a turn off, along with giviing and receiving oral. The only way for me to be ok with either is to go numb so I don't think or feel anything and it can be done and over with as quickly as possible. Nothing bothers me if I don't think about it.

I don't like looking at penises either. I don't understand how people can rave about orgasms or oral. I enjoy sex without orgasms. I don't like the idea of losing control. I tend to feel empty after having an orgasm so I never hope for it to happen.

Is any of this bad or make me abnormal? I think this is just how I am. As a little kid, I never liked people touching me or anyone giving me hugs. I'm ok for the most part now with stuff like that. When I first learned about oral, it sounded disgusting and didn't make sense to me why anyone would do it. I never planned on sex or marriage but I always knew I wanted kids. I was prepared to adopt, get a surrogate or use a sperm donor and IVF. Whenever I'd think about myself in the future, I would see myself with kids but they never ask where their father is and I never wonder why my husband hasn't come home for dinner.

I've found someone I'm comfortable with and knows how I am. My "issues" with genitals depress him. Is it really a big deal that I feel this way about things?