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Originally Posted by vincentvega
Hello all, I've tried to keep this message as short as possible. Please don't hesitate if you have any questions. I'd greatly appreciate advice, tips, guides… any help whatsoever. Thanks.
So here's my background information.
- Throughout teens felt miserable a lot of times, depressed at stages
- Start smoking weed occasionally at 16
- Smoking weed daily at 18/19 years old
- A few weeks before my 20th birthday (I'm smoking loads at this stage) I start feeling bad when I smoke weed, I feel nervous and panicky and I keep thinking I might have a heart attack and other bad thoughts, my heart actually felt weird too, during these weeks. Still enjoyed being high though, just had weird thoughts and that feeling of panic
- On my 20th birthday (September) I smoke and drink loads and end up on my bed with my mind going a million miles an hour, thinking i'm about to have a heart attack - pure panic (luckily I was drunk so I fell asleep quickly)
- Ever since then I've felt different. I started smoking a lot less afterwards, I didn't like it anymore, it made me feel like I wasn't in control and had paranoid thoughts about something going wrong or getting a heart attack.
- Then, one day, I look up my symptoms (racing mind, lack of concentration, constant worrying/feelings of stress, paranoia about what people think, etc)
- I looked up schizophrenia (due to some people claiming marijuana can induce schizophrenia)
- I recognize some of the symptoms (racing thoughts being one of them)
- Spend the next weeks/months scared out of my mind thinking I have schizophrenia. Literally every second of the day I'm scared I'm going to hear a voice or lose my mind or go crazy. I 'scan' everything thats going on in my mind. Every thought, everything I do or say I ask myself "Is this schizophrenia" or "is this one of the symptoms?" Stress levels sky rocket.
- Then, I find out about Anxiety and every symptom I had, was a symptom of anxiety.
- Spend the next weeks calming myself down, convincing myself it's 'only' anxiety and not schizophrenia (still not 100% sure if I actually have anxiety, or any other disease or disorder)
- Read a book on anxiety and the symptoms
- Since then I think of anxiety and its symptoms pretty much non-stop, I analyze pretty much every thought and everything going on in my mind. Although, some days, I wake up and don't think of anxiety for 5, 10 minutes and then when I think of it again it feels like I'm disconnected again and overanalyzing my mind)
So that's everything that's gone on the last 7/8 months. Bare in mind I didn't go to school, didn't have a job in those months so I spent most of the time on my own. I don't have much of a social life or any hobbies. My parents also broke up months before I turned 20, which obviously caused loads of anger, frustration and stress within me.
Now I'll describe what I currently feel like:
I feel disconnected. With my surroundings, with my thoughts and with myself. I don't feel much emotions. It's like I'm going through the motions of life without actually experiencing anything. I don't get excited about things anymore, I don't get the energy or motivation to do things. I have trouble concentrating and thinking clearly. I have racing thoughts once in a while - all these memories, previous conversations, pictures, situations, "voices" (i don't actually hear them), music, thoughts etc going through my mind and I can't really control them when I get them.
The lack of emotions is the worst thing. For example, music used to inspire me and I would feel all these feelings and thoughts stream through my body and mind. Now I don't feel anything. The only thing I think about now is "You used to enjoy this". I just don't feel with it, if that makes sense?
I'm not doing much with my life either, I just sit around all day doing nothing really. I know I should be doing more with my life, and I feel as if I'm letting myself and others down. But I feel like I've been so concentrated on my mental health that I now feel empty and detached. I guess the constant pressure of doing something worthwhile with my life, but not knowing how to or having the motivation or inspiration has a draining effect on me.
So, I hope that made sense, and I hope someone out there can help me out. Please bare in mind I'm extremely sensitive to hearing about mental diseases and disorders. I worry I might have them, it's like I have mental hypochondria. So please, don't tell me I have this or that - I want to know what I can do to get out of this state. Thanks.
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you dont have to worry about people saying you have this or that mental disorder (or anything else) here because doing that (diagnosing each others problems) is not allowed here.
the only thing we do here is tell each other what our own problems are, tell each other if we have the same problems they have, and what our own doctors have told us it is in our selves.
example I can tell you I have a mental problem, and my doctors call it Dissociative disorders. I can not tell you if you have a dissociative disorder. it is you that must tell us whether you have mental disorders or not.
we can also tell you if something jumps out in your post to us and what we know about it..
example. I see you have quite an experience with doing weed.. I have never done weed but have been in the room with people who do. weed caused me lots of problems including symptoms that are the same as the symptoms with my dissociative disorders..
my doctor told me weed may seem like a good thing at first and is good for those with medical problems that its prescribed for. but like any other drug/medication it can cause a person to have long term problems with the kinds of symptoms you are feeling/having.
so now I stay out of the area where those I know are doing weed, so I dont feel all those drug induced problems like you are having.
the best thing I can tell you is that drug induced mental and physical health problems most times if not always, needs the help of treatment providers like your family doctor, a therapist, a psychiatrist and usually but not always programs like NA, AA and others that deal with substance abuse like alcohol and drugs.
so my suggestion is that if these drug induced problems are affecting you this severely then maybe its time for you to consider contacting a treatment provider and off line services fore substance abuse.
I dont see any substance abuse boards, probably because psych central deals with mental disorders (symptoms caused by having a mental disorder) but maybe someone has one in the social forums, you can check there.
the self diagnosing with schizophrenia - oh please dont do that to your self, it can cause you so much unnecessary stress and pain. suggestion talk with your parents, your family doctor, they can help you get the right services that can diagnose and treat your problems.