I am writing because I need to deal with my past and need to understand what happened.

My age:
I am an 18yr old girl. When I was a kid (around 5-9), I developed a friendship with a neighbour, she was a few year older than me (I think 10-14). She taught me how to Rollerblade, showed me make up and was like an older sister. I remember my parents bring us to a carnival and a restaurant after, she showed me how to get toilet paper to stick to the roof.

What Happened:
My parents let me stay over at her house one night, I remember being at my sitting room window asking to stay and being so excited because it was probably the first time I was allowed to stay at a friends.

That same day I have a memory of being in her room, before I asked to stay. She had friends there and they were reading a magazine, I remember something about quizzes that were in it, but most of it is blurry.

When I stayed over she asked me how many kids I wanted to have, I wasn't sure so I said about 3. She somehow related this to the magazine and told me I had to lay in bed naked with her for 3 minutes(1 for every child). After that there's just blackness.

Then I remember both of us standing naked over a candle, she told me we had to pass water between our mouths otherwise it wouldn't work. More blackness. She told me we had to kiss every five minutes or it wouldn't work. More blackness.

My first kiss/ sexual encounter was with a girl, and I believed every word she said.

I remember being at home, maybe the same day or a few days later, and seeing the video of a song and it reminded me of the event. After that, I consciously tried to block it out. The only time I recall thinking about it (as a child) was when my Best friend, who was a year younger than me, told me the girl who abused me had given her make up and all I could think about was protecting her. My abuser moved away not long after what happened, I think.

After That:
When I was 13 I moved away, on my first day at my new school all the girls hugged me and I felt uncomfortable. I became friendly with a girl who valued deep trust while I had difficulty trusting. I was very friendly with and felt safe around her, I told her most things about my life. She moved school after summer and we were still incredibly close. I let it slip one day, on the phone, that I found it weird being hugged by so many strangers. She then asked why, and I couldn't tell her, I just said not to mind, but her pressure to know brought back my memories, which I hadn't felt were related to my first day.

She pressured me to tell her, to not bottle things up because she noticed that I was acting strange about it and made me feel guilty about not trusting her. I eventually told her as much as I could remember and she got so angry with the person that did this to me. Any-time I saw her after that she acted weird, wouldn't hug, was over protective and incredibly distant.

Our friendship diminished from then on, after that I felt so horrible, betrayed and I couldn't stop the flash backs.

The flash backs became a lot clearer, but there is still a lot of that night I don't remember.

Bulimia/Pica/Relationships
When I was between 14-15 I developed Bulimia and suffered for about 2years until I eventually stopped, I still have urges though. I have had pica for as long as I remember and eat things like plastic and paper and don't even notice it half the time.

Emotions & Relationships
My biggest issue is my sexual relationships. I never used to tell people about boys I liked. I never keep contact with sexual partners, we may remain friends but I never develop relationships. When a guy asks me out I sometimes agree, but always back out. I have no long term emotional attachments to the guys I'm with, and if I do become emotionally involved it ends soon after.

The only person I ever had feelings for was a guy who liked me and I wasn't interested in him, then he got a girlfriend. After that I developed interest in him and for years we texted, talked, planned being together but I didn't want him to leave her because I can't handle a relationship and didn't want him cheating, so we never did anything. Until a few months ago on a night we made out, talked, he stayed over but didn't have sex (on my request). After that I could have been with him again but I decided against it, even though I still have feeling for him.

I have no issues being with guys, especially when I'm out, but I am incapable of a relationship or emotional involvement.

Family and Friends
I have great relationships with my family, especially my father. I have a few groups of close friends who I get on well with and who I can be myself around. I feel completely comfortable around them and they never judge me, they just accept me. I find it easiest to get on with guys or girls who get on with guys.

Help:
I would love to know whether anything legally could have been done about this at the time?
If anything could be done now? (I have no idea where this person is, but its more a matter of curiousity)
What can I do to deal better with my issues?