I've never cut. I have a cutting/slicing phobia...but I used to burn myself, sitting with my bare back against the radiator, or scalding in the shower, when i was at my Dad's for partial custody.
These days I have sudden, uncontrollable urges and I slap or punch myself in the face, or hit my head against the table or wall. I want to hit my head against the wall hard enough to knock myself out and get some rest from this pain and craziness in my head.
I hit myself as punishment, for being a bad wife, bad daughter, bad friend, bad citizen. Right after the hit, I can feel only the physical pain, tingling, and ringing...and then calmness. So far, it's the only thing that can knock me out of the violent rage that's eating me up inside. I watched a couple old French films recently, and the men are always smacking the women to get them to "snap out of" a hysterical outburst or uncontrollable rage...NOT to advocate violence against women...but the hit really does calm me down...
I don't want to hurt anyone else with my rage, so I just take it out on myself.
Idk why I'm posting this really...just to admit it?