Welcome to PC, Cbzzzz.

The one issue that jumped out at me is that your mother uses her finances to get you to do what she wants & then makes you feel guilty. My mom used to do the same with me. All along saying that she wanted to help me, family is SO important to her, etc. It caused me a lot of guilt. Like I had to do X because Mom needed help. After many years of this banter between us growing, I couldn't take it anymore. I decided that I could not accept her attempts (despite my real financial needs, because my emotional health is more important to me) to "help me" (aka:buy me off).

Unfortunately, my refusal to accept my mom's buy-offs have created a lot more tension between us. I'd always felt that tension before, but it was mostly on my side. It's pretty ugly, imo. Like a big invisible elephant in the room, it isn't discussed. I can't take all of the emotional stress nowadays, so I've told my family not to contact me. I will contact them if/when I am ready for a connection. That is what I needed to do to gain some sense of self-respect.

Very best wishes to you! I hope that you don't have to go to the extreme to get your mother to change her ways ~ but do know that it's an option, rather than continuing to put up with her emotional put-downs. I did start off by seeing my mom less often, keeping conversations very brief and vague, very few calls (if ever). A year or so of that led to my e-mail requesting more space.

(As there were still comments when she would see me, "You can always call," or "We ought to see each other more often," and "You can always come out here". Yet she hadn't picked up the phone to call me or drive to my place.) Just little jabs of guilt here and there. You can pick up on it a lot more quickly once you get to know her ~ but her first impression is that she's a very thoughtful and loving woman. Others, like my dad, would often speak up for my mom. You ought to call your mom. She feels...
Man, I hated that!

Your description doesn't sound melodramatic to me. If your mom is using you and making you feel bad often, it's a good thing to stand back and ask why that is. What is happening within the relationship? How can it be changed? What changes are you willing to make within yourself and your personal behavior? It can take a little time before you come to any serious decisions on that. But think about it.