I've always felt my T is awesome. She is warm, empathic, supportive, kind and has all the positive attributes that have helped me grow in trust with her.

We've had ruptures in the past and she's always been steadfast and helped me work through them. And because of the repairs of those ruptures, my trust has grown and I've been able to divulge more and more of my inner feelings no matter how embarrassing or shameful I may be about them.

But yesterday she said something that has me totally rattled. I have no idea how this rupture could possibly be repaired.

See, I've been struggling with depression that seems to be getting stronger lately with all its negative consequences. My MD suggested antidepressants and on March 24 my T suggested I see a pdoc for meds.

Those suggestions threw me for a loop because I do not suffer from clinical depression and have thought I just struggle with a low mood sometimes. Hearing T be so concerned made me feel a bit anxious.

So, from 3/24 on we've spent most sessions discussing my concerns about taking antidepressants, my making appt. with pdoc, my canceling appt. with pdoc, etc.

It was only in last week's session that meds were not discussed.

So, imagine my surprise yesterday when my T asked me, "Have we discussed yet an option for you to take antidepressants?"

I was stunned when she asked that and I replied, "Yes, you wanted me to see Dr. X"

T was so apologetic that she forgot and confessed her embarrassment. I brushed it aside and thought it was o.k. and we continued with our discussion.

It was only until about 3 hours after session that it hit me - SHE FORGOT!!!!!! How could she forget? This was about something very important, very recent, and very emotional for me. And she forgot.

If she forgot, what does that mean as far as the enormous trust I've put in her?

I finally called her and left a message telling her how I feel. But then I texted and canceled the extra appointment I made for next week to prepare for her leaving on vacation. It's not only her leaving but also that I'm facing a huge struggle right now the reason I asked for extra session next week.

But now I have to back off. It feels too risky to trust her just before she leaves. I would cancel my regular appointment but after 16 months with her, that slot seems like a contract I need to fulfill.

So, how can I get over this? Sure, I've said to myself "She only human. Of course she makes mistakes. Of course she'll forget sometimes. I shouldn't hold her to a higher standard than anyone else. She cares, even if she forgets stuff sometimes. Remember all the good she's done. Don't put so much blame on her for this one thing."

That was my grownup mind talking but my child mind feels big-time abandonment. She forgot. That's a fact. How can I ever accept that?

I will not quit therapy because I'm still very attached to T but I think it may be the end of my deep sharing with her. I will use her to tackle less emotional difficulties in my life and get from her practical solutions to easier problems. But to divulge huge parts of myself again and know she'll probably forget - I don't know if I can do that anymore.