Another question from me I'm afraid that is triggering - does anyone else get physical flashbacks?

I've had the same physical flashbacks for years, but ignored them, but the past two days - with all the thinking I have been doing on what happened I supposed - I can't seem to get them to stop. Sleep is my only respite, but even then I'm having nightmares.

The flashbacks I have are stabbing pains internally and the feeling that someone is scratching me internally. It's really horrid, and it is wearing me out.

I was supposed to be at work yesterday and today, trying to work towards going back full time, but I have backed out both days because this feeling of impending doom and these terrible feelings internally would make it impossible to do anything.

I confided to my other half that every time I've had penetration these flashbacks have been there, which is why I now don't attempt it. Mastering using a Mooncup recently was horrific (but I pushed through for the sake of the planet and it doesn't trigger me now). I tried to ignore the flashbacks for so long, I guess from the age of about 11 when I first tried to use a tampon and the flashbacks were so bad I gave up, and then when I became sexually active at 13 the flashbacks would happen then and have happened every time since. I used to tell myself I must have had a physical exam as a small child and that's why I had these feelings. I know now as a rational adult that 1 - a doctor would wear gloves, 2 - a doctor would not have sharp nails hurting me, and 3 - a doctor never did examine me internally as a child.

Any help what to do to calm down would be much appreciated. My OH is out at work all day, then training with roller derby this evening, and I just want to be cuddled constantly with how I'm feeling.

x