cindy-lou...I left my first relationship and after I did suffered extreme guilt. Then in my new relationship so many things are the same. I mean...as mush as I LOVE my partner... problems arise in every relationship. If there is any way to work on them I would try...I know you probably are trying, but with help maybe.

RomanSunburn...You make a lot of sense. I don't know what's bothering me so maybe this is...as you say...what I put as the blame.

I also think that like PST...when your heart is racing and the adrenalin is flowing... things get burned into your memory. Getting them out of my head is the trick

I don't journal because I don't want anyone else to read it. Coming here ...talking to a friend...helps, so thank you both for your responses.