So today's session went better than expected. When I got there he reassured me right away by kind of laughing that he wasn't going to hospitalize me. But then became serious and made me promise him again that they were just thoughts, and if they ever became anything more I would call right away. Then jumped right into talking about them. He made it really safe and okay. Then at one point of the session, he asked me if I ever thought about the reprocusions and I said sometimes I didn't care. He snapped right back at me with "why are you even coming here then?"

That totally hit me hard and hurt me. So much so I emailed him while I was on the ferry going home. I sent him this...

"Why am I even coming? ...Because I need to get better. I want to learn to cope with my disorder. I want to heal from my past and move forward with my future in a positive direction. I need a stable positive influence in my life. I need to learn to trust that somebody won't hurt or abandon me, and that it's possible to be safe again. Maybe I rely on you too much atm, but honestly I could care less right now. I know as start to "get it" I will become more self reliant. I know your teaching me everyday how to become a stronger person. I know your teaching me how to form positive relationships. I know your changing my life. Thats why I don't give up & that's why I'm come to therapy."

He replied to me, "I love that answer."

I am so grateful that we have such a great therapeutic relationship. I know I'm lucky to have found such an awesome therapist. just thought I'd share how it went.