May trigger, be safe.

I am worried. I am not a runner. I hate running because I feel like I can breathe during. Last night, I went out to the track to walk/jog with my friend. I figured I would run until I couldn't take it anymore. The first time I took off, I ran maybe ten feet, and I could feel that my ankles were weak. I decided I wasn't going to run any more, that I would walk and let her run ahead. Next thing I know, I'm struggling to walk, my ankles are throbbing and Alicia, my friend, tells me I ran every run interval with her.
Today I can barely walk, and I don't feel safe carrying my son for fear of my ankles giving out and me falling. This is worse than Alex cutting me. Could it be another way of Alex trying to hurt me? Or is there a freakish exercise buff in my head making me do it?
I do not know all of my alters. I just wanted to get this out. I am so new at actually accepting I dissociate and have alters, and sometimes I still deny it. I am just trying to learn more about my mind and why it's like this...

Thanks, Cas