((((Bow)))) Thank you I didn't keep my composure that well, though I left the meeting feeling horrible. AND I cried in my office - I was sooo frustrated (I hate when I do that. It's as if I get abused and rewarded at the same time and it's such a horrible feeling).

For example, at a previous job, after going through a MAJOR trauma and having to deal with a million pieces of **** that all fell on me to handle, the owner told me it "inconvenienced him" that I was out of the office (MY 39 year old sister died. She was really sick, drove herself to the ER, found out she had Pneu, and her heart stopped while they were doing tests They revived her twice, but she passed). I was so furious I wanted to jump on him and strangle him. I couldn't even look at him I was so angry and turned my chair and started to bawl (it was that or commit a crime!). And THEN, he just kept talking, and HE GAVE ME A GIANT RAISE. FGS!

((((OE)))) That is a good point, in learning to assert myself, it is important to me that my feelings are validated; that I feel/know I am being heard. (I was reading one of my homework books like crazy before our meeting taking little cheat sheet notes on how to assert properly )

I was sitting less than 6 feet away and I was getting random crazy responses, too - not responding to what I was saying at all. It was as if we were speaking 2 different languages. I even said, "OK. Perhaps I am not being clear cuz we aren't understanding each other".

It all came down to the grape thing

I know, right?! Disassociate for sure. I knew it was coming, too, I could feel it actually after the positive paragraph (start) when I started with the "I"/"we" sentence, I felt the wall go up.

I AM going to decorate my office with grapes. It will remind me to "not" care