I thought my life was finally getting better but I was wrong. Just over a month ago I was the happiest I'd ever been because of my boyfriend and now I'm back to square one. I just feel so lonely and unwanted right now. Me and my boyfriend were only going out for about 2 months and it was the best 2 months of my life. He decided to stop just suddenly speaking me altogether though one day (kind of long story) and 3 weeks later I miss him a lot. I just miss everything about him. I wish I could just see him again but I'm not sure that he wants anything to do with me. I know I do tend to get a bit attached to people easily but it felt different with him. Maybe I'm just deluding myself. I mean he was just my first boyfriend after all. I just didn't think it would end so quickly and I just wish I could stop thinking about him.

I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment. I'm just finding everything so difficult all over again. It's so difficult to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. I find myself most days not getting up until 2 or 3pm. I want to do some of my hobbies like drawing and crafts but I'm just not motivated to do it. I'm not in the mood for anything. One thing I did manage to do was sign myself to a 5 day film starter course which starts next week which I'm glad about because I'll be doing something finally. I just want more motivation to do other things too. I need to find a job as well as I have no money at all for anything. My mum used to just give me money every now and then but now she doesn't really have a lot of money either and she's trying to find a 2nd job too as her first isn't very stable. I know I need to get a job of my own now... I'm 19 in a couple of weeks. I know I'm wasting my life away but I just need to shake off this dark cloud over my head first.

Also another thing is that I have nobody to talk to nowadays.. I don't know the last time I had a conversation with anyone other than my mum and brother. Even with my Ex I couldn't really talking to him properly. My shyness is still managing to mess up any possible friendships. I just wish I knew exactly why I was having such a hard time talking to people. I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel so stupid. I'm tired of being told by numerous people to be more confident and to talk more. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm so fed up with myself. I'm messing everything up for myself.