Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
After I thought about this when the pain was hot about a year ago from something my T forgot, I realized that I didn't want a tape recorder for a therapist. It was OK for me to be upset when my T didn't remember something I felt was important. And it was OK and SAFE for me to talk with my T about it. And it was OK for my T to appologize if needed. But the bottom line for me is that the relationship I have with my T is something I want to enjoy and work through in a positive way. It teaches me about relationships and how to be in one in a healthy way. And a big part of that is the ability to go easy on others who will have different skills than I do. To not toss out the relationship and the great healing one can bring just because the skill of remembering details may not be as good as I have or what I would like.
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Thanks WePow. You've given me food for thought. I'm trying really hard to change my interpretation of her words from what I feel (abandonment) to what it probably really is (just a temporary loss of focus on her part). It's tough.
But you're right - I would much rather have a T that is there for me in the moment (she is) rather than one who can remember everything. Today has been a huge struggle but I finally was able to text T this just 1/2 hour ago:
"It's ok now. I've managed to roll the emotions back inside. I think they're contained now hopefully never to bother us again. So sorry for all the commotion."
But then 5 minutes later I drive by her office (her office is situated on the main road back to my house so I drive by it often) and I saw her car pulling out to leave. I got struck again with a painful emotion. It meant that her last client finished at 4:30 and she was departing then at 5:00.
My first thought was - "Man, she didn't even bother to acknowledge my terribly emotional texts before she went home for the day."
Then my grownup mind thought - "Hey, give the woman a break, will you? She's probably been swamped with basket cases all day. And you want to hog her time and energy? She'll be there when you really need her. And remember, you didn't specifically ask for a response, so your expectations are unreasonable. In fact, you really don't want to burden her, do you?"
And that's the truth. I want her to get her rest. I don't want to add more to her busy day. I don't want to be a nag. So, I'll leave her alone until next week's session. Man, has it been a volatile day. Thanks everyone for your wonderful input. It has helped a lot.