For me it's a process, like unpeeling an onion. I have found it hard to grieve what I didn't get because it was all I knew and felt I deserved. It's only when I feel the need for something in the present (i.e from T) that I can appreciate what I lost out on. That's when the mourning begins. I think T can help by being supportive, offering a calm and safe space for the grief work to be done but also by letting it happen.