I don't think anyone can tell you what your grief will look like. It is individual for each. It will play out as it plays out.

For me it started as a deep deep sense of resentment for being cheated of what was rightfully mine. Followed then by a realization that we really don't get "do overs". The time for all that had passed. I had to play the hand I was dealt.

Then I realized that I actually get to pick the cards in that hand. Things got a lot better after that, but it was a process, not a moment.

My therapist helped me to keep things in perspective and present in my life right then. It's easy to fall into the abyss with mourning. He helped keep me from doing that.