Crazy I haven't heard of losing hearing but I would be certainly be concerned. Contact a ENT specialist or your primary care Dr.

Open and CW thank you for your perspective. It's so appreciated! I feel less alone with your input.

Update: Yesterday we did a little bit of EMDR. I felt really self conscious and guarded. I let some emotions surface but kept it under control. My T could tell things were coming up for me based on my facial expressions (that I wasn't aware of but she told me about). She told me that my face was looking tense and asked what was coming up for me. I told her some of what the memory/feelings were and when it came to having the three positive images: wisdom, comfort, safety? I told her I didn't want to say it and then she asked me to anyways. I told her I thought of my old T when I thought of wisdom ( I lied a little I really think of old T as being part of all three - in combo with my grandmother). I was able to keep it under control and I told her I missed my old T. She then said "well you did see her for two years". I told her well it was almost 4 years but whose counting New T said at the end of the appointment I could call her if I need to just not at 3am and if I call in the evening she will get back to me in the morning. - I feel good about that.

Last night I was up at 2am feeling nauseous from a food hangover (I feel that way now) and a wave of sadness and loneliness is in my chest. The feelings of missing old T are front and center and I wish them to go away. I want to call old T even though I know it won't do me any good as she isn't treating me right now and she doesn't specialize in trauma so I don't know how else she could help me. God I wish I could have a hug from her right now.

I desperately want to be in a place with new T that I was with old T in terms of vulnerability. That's when I was able to do my best work and connect with my emotions ( I was able to connect with some emotions at my second appointment because I had no choice. My emotions overtook me). With new T I hope this comes with time to do better. My new T asked me to think about how I feel about the process of EMDR and it's different for everyone (I think she definitely can sense my apprehension, discomfort and being guarded) - I did tell her I feel very unsure about it in that moment.

At my next appointment I'm going to talk about this whole process, her, old T and what it's been like for me in addition to maybe doing some EMDR.

Is it best for me to just push through it even though I'm feeling guarded?