I'm posting all over the place because I just can't do it anymore. I've kept so much in and I'm about ready to explode. I just need to get these emotions out somewhere! I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I have no one to talk to.

I miss one of my great friends. He means the world to me.

Had to hold back tears after writing those two sentences. I just miss him so frickin much. I miss the way we talked. I miss his voice. I miss just being friends. But now everything is so different.

I'm dissociating so much more now. I want to hurt myself all the time. I even sit in class and try to do it without anyone seeing. I'm desperate to feel better.

My family isn't making things better. All I do is get screamed at, and I'm sick of it.

I try to hold up this front. This giant brick wall, but I can feel it crumbling down. The wall is desperate to be broken, to have someone to talk to and just spill everything. But then again, it's still has trust issues. It doesn't want people to get close, so finds ways to push people away, but then feels extremely bad about it.

I'm just so conflicted. My depression is getting worse and I don't know what to do.