Do you go to a therapist, if not you should seriously consider it. If your desperate for that wall to crumble as you say then youll talk at therapy thus getting the help you yearn. I have to admit that im being a hypocrite right now. I need to speak, eveything is on the tip of my tongue yet i hold it all in. But dont do that it so does not pay, your depression will just get worse. Talk its the best, let ppl that care about you know how you feel.
Gluck