I was with my boyfriend (we'll call him Luke) for almost 4 years and during the first year met another person (we'll call him Tim) who I have liked since, and he has liked me, but Luke hates him. I have made various attempts to get him out my life, all to no avail.

During this first year I was desperately unhappy, as Luke did not treat me well at all, which lead to me cheating on him although not with Tim.
After all this I have been happy ever since with Luke but I felt we had trouble conversing (I am very talkative compared to him) and felt I had a much better time with Tim. As well as this, I've also has self-confidence issues with Luke as he used to point out certain things that I haven't been able to move on from very well.


Late last year, Tim and I began talking again. It made me think that Luke and I didn't have very good communication skills and that we were both too different just because Tim and I got on SO well. At the time, I loved Luke’s company but I thought it was wrong that I got on with Tim so much better so I left Luke but I told him it was just because we were too different.
After this, I met up with Tim again a few times and although I said nothing could happen yet, we ended up kissing and he kept trying to pressure me to do more. I kept refusing but after a while gave in and have regretted it so much ever since.
Now I’ve realised I’ve made a huge mistake and just want Tim back but I feel like the worst person on the planet for treating him like this as he is such a wonderful person and so loving and caring, and he doesn’t deserve it at all.

I don’t know whether there is now far too much water under the bridge to go back and can’t bare hurting him more as I would have to tell him everything, or whether to leave it and just move on. I don’t know whether he would take me back and now I have no idea how to handle the situation.

I also just want to stop hating myself over it all.