It is still hard to accept the lack of insight creates a mirage effect and i believe it as truth and not realize it is irrational. I become more reclusive, angry and paranoid refusing others opinion. I mainly have delusions of reference, paranoid delusions, apophenia, tactile hallucinations, visual hallucinations, and perceptual distortions.
I dont know why what or when things start to become more in depth, more meaningful, more connected. I discovering signs that i hadnt noticed before, things took on a higher level and its clear that i have a purpose. A ability or gift to seek meaning in things and figure out the obvious messages, codes and patterns i am recieving. Songs have messages, certain lyrics are directed at me they give me insight. Sometimes when my own thoughts are stolen they are corrupted and sent into a radio frequency as a feedback jam to side track me and taint my research. The world would go to war over my discoveries so my thoughts are always being monitored. Pages of text form patterns using gaps between words. The patterns point out relevent information with shapes surrounding words or arrows pointing to a letter. These are everywhere and the information retreved from every page was vital to understand the next piece of the puzzle. Words, letters and numbers became bold, standing out sometimes, or they are in colors. At times info on text is a trap letters are actually insects that move around hiding a code i need to decipher. This carrys on for months i am staying up all night researching a word from a book with a song lyric believing that it is a clue to histories biggest secrets. I became completly withdrawn and start filling notebooks with scribbles of loosly connected phrases. Everything becomes connected and is relative to each other it is obvious and right there i have figured it out. Like the word 'coralation' is a "family photo frame decorated with sea shells" and "sandy blond surfer at shell petrol station driving a family car". I become increasingly paranoid and concerned that a government agency was going to silence me. There were shadow people following me everywhere i can see them but not identify them. In an attemp to stop me uncovering the truth a curse is cast upon me. The presence of an entity observing me is constant. Partioning my brain into 2 areas, one locking highly valuble information away while i could broadcast misleading information to those monitoring my thoughts and happy thoughts to the neighbourhood dogs to stop them from howling. My neighbours became very concerned with my behaviour and start using the codeword "help" on me reassuring my earlier notion that they were to slow and stupid to think i didnt know they were all conspiring against me from the start.
One brief incounter with someone and i my psychosis is obvious i am told my pupils are dialated my speech is incoherent and i am like a wild dog in a life or death situation. Police are the ones to turn up and restrain me. Because i am not crazy but have the knowledge to solve all of the worlds mysteries, i just repeat the phrase "i am not crazy" over and over on a daily basis to people a long time after i get re admitted.

Thats a outline of 3-4months, i dont know how to explain it, i concieve it to be as real as my own two hands. I still dont understand how i believe or feel its a normal everyday sane logical perspective when its beyond extremly warped thinking.
It scares the **** out of me and theres no simple fast way of disproving delusions
mind****ing you for years afterwards. Returning fragments of in-concivable thought concepts that still feel like 100% reality in memorie's.