you are FINE. you are very intelligent, self-aware - are you isolating? somehow you are not letting the people who do love what you have to offer, find you. hiding your light under a bushel, as you needed to do around your horrible mother. absolutely do free yourself of her, whatever it takes (i don't mean violence or anything like that). You DO have an excellent mind - I am so sorry you were subjected to THAT. Her. Anyway. Read what other artists have done.