The appointment went...

Hubby recognized his behavior predated our relationship and is seeing that he needs to treat me as his wife not his mother. Some one to be a partner with instead of someone to get around. No solutions to the problem but at least we are starting to lay the foundation to finding the solution.

My homework for this week is letting go of the anger in healthy ways. The beginning of that is accepting that it is safe to let go of it. Catherine assured me that she will hold the reasons for that anger for me. She won't let the problem be swept under the mat. It reminded me of one of my bedtime excercises. Sometimes when I am having troubles sleeping because I am upset about something I will say to myself "It is ok to let it go right now so you can sleep. I promise you I will remember to be upset about this in the morning. But right now you need to rest so that tomorrow we can put all that much more energy into being pissed about it." It works. I rarely have problems getting to sleep after that talk. So basicially Catherine gave me the same permission to let it go so I can have more energy to put a really strong effort in the solution to this situation.

But how do you let go of something so huge that you carry scars all over your body for it?

I have been working outside, deadheading a rhodedendron that hangs over my fence from the neighbors yard. Every year I deadhead the half on my side. I tell it what a lovely plant it is and how I wish it was growing in my yard so that I could feed it. Every year it grows further out into my yard, lavishing flowers petals on my lawn. While on the other side, in the neighbors yard there are few flowers to be seen. Maybe it is something like that. Removing the old emotions with loving care will help new beautiful ones to come out and flourish. If I don't remove the dead blossoms then there is little room for the new ones to grow. I don't know. Just prattling on.
Zen