Quote:
Originally Posted by beautifuldreamer
My father, recently deceased, was diagnosed manic depressive as a teenager and chose never to medicate or seek therapy. At age 73, he had a breakdown, was hospitalized and rediagnosed as bipolar 2, and was medicated and doing reasonably well, until his death.
As an adult child of a bipolar person, what I would like to know from other bipolar 2 adults is, when you are acting poorly toward others, do you KNOW that you are?
I guess I ask because I would like to think that my father didn't know what he was doing to me (emotional abuse) when he was acting out from his disease-
rather than knowing full well what he was saying and wanting to intentionally hurt me.
Most days, I feel as if I can offer him grace and forgiveness. Days like today I think about the cruel things he said and did and feel that is WAS within his control but he wanted to be mean.
Any thoughts? Thank you in advance. I hope no one finds this post offensive in any way, that is so not my intention!!!!
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Hi. You're likely to get a variety of answers. In general the abusers I have known justified being abusive because of some circumstance, perceived wrong, or other hiccup in their
own lives that they tried to say gave them some sort of cosmic permission to abuse someone else. Someone who targets another for repeated abuse knows what he or she is doing insofar as deliberately choosing the same victim over and over. What I finally figured out, though, was abuse is
all about the abuser, and
not some failing on the victim's part, no matter how many times the abuser might say "you made me do this" or "you brought this on yourself" or "you deserved this" or "I didn't really hurt you." While I believe abusers choose their victims, a large part of the choice has to do with availability and the abuser's own sense of self-preservation. It's a lot safer for an abuser to target a child in his own household than the 250 lb neighbor who boxes as a hobby. My mother was incredibly abusive and I was her favorite victim. Yes, she was deliberately cruel, but it was deliberate cruelty from a mind that was ill. I don't have bipolar, but I'm fairly sure she did. It's been hard letting it go. But the more I let go, the better I feel. I wish you peace of mind.
