Give yourself permission not to respond emotionally to a couple of his more obvious ploys to upset you. If it's comments about finances and how he doesn't like your sister, for example, practice a few bland responses, like "yes and in today's economy, watching the spending is even more crucial" and/or "I understand that you don't like Sis" Nodding silently is good, too.

Get counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. If you think you cannot afford it, ask at a local house of worship if they offer free counseling or if they know where you can get low-cost counseling; look in your community for sliding scale counseling, etc.

Start investigating how much exactly you need to live, and how to live on what you receive. If you've been married 20 years, it may be that he will have to contribute to your support.

Do you own your own home, would you have to rent, how much are utilities, estimate how much you need for transportation, etc. Once you know how to take care of yourself financially, you'll be better prepared emotionally to solve the issue of your husband's abuse.

My ex abandoned me; it was a steep and very painful learning curve to be plunged into immediate poverty. Knowledge will give you a sense of power.