wow thanks for all the responses everyone. I have spent the last 12 yrs avoiding the topic of my mental illness with my husband, basically talking to my friend jenifer who is very supportive, but not even trying to talk to him about it. Basically, because I have heard this statement from him several times. At first it made me mad when he said it, about someone else, and then another time, I just felt hurt about it, even though it was still about someone else, I felt like he would easily say the same about me. On Friday morning, around 2am, I sent him a looooon text (prob not the best place to drop the bomb, but since he doesn't like talking on the phone, I wasn't sure where else to do it) and I laid it out for him, how I have been struggling with thoughts of suicide and how a few wks ago I went one step further in the planning (all but swallowing the pills) and the only thing that stopped me was my fear of failure and being put in an institution...he did not respond, or call, and when I called him and asked him he stated that he was concerned. Later that day, at some point, he decided he wasn't coming home, but didn't want to deal with me being upset about it, so decided not to call or let me know anything, it wasn't until the next day (after I had been up all night worrying, calling, texting everyone we knew, calling hospitals and police dept between our house here in NC and his appt in VA) when I was on my way to VA that his roommate decided to tell me he was in fact ok and in the appt...so needless to say I was furious that he would let me worry and he would try and hurt me in that way. I still don't understand how, given the information that he had about my mental status, that he could do what he did, I am at a complete loss on what to do.
shezbut, i have told my husband about the weapons too, he is military and doesn't seem to grasp the concept of me and guns not mixing, and at one point brought his rifle back from his sisters house, i promptly returned it.
I also spoke up to my brother, about how i have been feeling, and yesterday his GF who is a social worker in Missouri, called to "check on me" and offer to take the kids for a week in May (which makes me nervous, and kinda feel like she thinks I don't need to be around my kids) which brings me to another point, why do ppl automatically assume I would hurt my kids, ultimately when I feel like killing myself, it's been b/c i am feeling like my mental status is hurting my kids and they would be better off without me...not because i want something bad to happen to them.
Anyway thanks for all the info, still feel like ppl will never get it, i know that ppl tend to shy away from me after they learn the info...so I am just kinda not really sure about divulging it to a lot of ppl at this point, and after hubby's actions this past weekend, I am sure that wont change...feeling a lot isolated by this lately, hope the doc today can make a recommendation for a new shrink, cuz i need a new set of eyes to look at me and make a decision on how to treat this mess. thanks everyone!