welcome to pc, panda.  having a substance abuse problem can seem overwhelming at first. but there are solutions. you may want to check out narcotics anonymous, NA. lots of support there and you will find ppl who've overcome their addiction to help you too.
glad you posted your concern. you'll find support here as well. knowing we have a problem is the first step towards recovery.
here's some info
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Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery, one that takes tremendous courage and strength. Facing your addiction without minimizing the problem or making excuses can feel frightening and overwhelming, but recovery is within reach. If you’re ready to make a change and willing to seek help, you can overcome your addiction and build a satisfying, drug-free life for yourself.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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