If I say, "My back hurts something awful.", there isn't a doctor in the world who can say it doesn't.

If I say, "My body aches all over.", there isn't a doctor in the world who can say it doesn't.

If I day, "I feel so depressed that I wish I were dead.", there isn't a psychiatrist in the world who can say I don't really feel that way.

That's why the SSA takes a jaundiced view of these diagnoses. If I say I got back pain, or fibromyalgia, or severe depression, there is no doctor in the whole wide world who can say I don't. Any doctor I go to must say, "The patient is here today reporting yadayadayada." Years ago, it was not unusual for orthopedic units in lots of hospitals to have patients who were getting placebos alternated with narcotics because they were complaining of some pain that nobody could disprove, but nobody could find objective evidence for. On doctors' orders, I used to take a syringe and fill it will salt water and inject it into a patient and tell them it was Demerol. That was because the doctor did not believe that the patient truly had severe pain, or wasn't just looking for narcotics. Still, there were always some patients like that on the Ortho unit where I worked - in the hospital - because no doctor can prove that his suspicion is true. I don't think it is legal to do that anymore. I'm referring to a practice that went on in 1982.

If a doctor doesn't believe a condition is as serious as the patient states, physical or mental, then he will (and must, upon request by the patient) write a letter. He will say this patient complains of such-and-such and reports the following symptoms. That letter is the "kiss of death" as far as getting the approval of an SSDI claim. (IMO)

If the doctor truly believes that the patient is severely afflicted with a serious condition, then the doctor will write a letter that will have a good bit more to it. Mainly, the doctor might say "Here is the change in the behavior of this patient that I have witnessed, or have knowledge of." or "Here is the behavior exhibited by this patient which I find very concerning." or "Here are the very strenuous efforts made by this patient, which have only resulted in repeated failure."

I lost a number of jobs because I either got fired, or my resignation was requested and expected. I was told, in some cases "You have been trying very hard and we think you are a good nurse and very devoted to your patients. However, we believe you are depressed and that it is affecting your work. Unfortunately, we feel keeping you as an employee would create liability issues for us." In each case, I left the job absolutely heart-broken.

It was in 2003 that I was told that by a nursing home where I had been employed. I had started working in nursing homes as a nurse's aide in 1970. I was still working in nursing homes very successfully up to 1997. Then I had trouble keeping up, and went into other types of nursing that were not as "high volume." I didn't do so great. In 2003, I went back to work at a very nice nursing home. When they asked for my resignation, they were very nice and praised my efforts, but said I was not cut out for that kind of work anymore. They suggested I do home care. I immediately wrote out my resignation and gave it to them. They said it would be recorded as a mutually agreed decision and not as an involuntary termination. They were very nice to me. I left, got in my car, drove away and wanted to commit suicide. Instead, I went to a friend and stayed there for days and survived.

In 2005, it happened again.

In 2009, it happened again.

In 2010, it happened again.

On February 7, 2012, it happened again.

From March 30, 2012 until April 8, 2012, I had an interval of feeling fairly okay. I get those intervals now and then. On April 9th, I became depressed. The next day, I awoke severely depressed. That's how I've been for 3 weeks. Today, I woke up wishing I could die.