"What I finally figured out, though, was abuse is all about the abuser, and not some failing on the victim's part, no matter how many times the abuser might say "you made me do this" or "you brought this on yourself" or "you deserved this" or "I didn't really hurt you." While I believe abusers choose their victims, a large part of the choice has to do with availability and the abuser's own sense of self-preservation".

Thank you SO MUCH! That was incredibly well said. I appreciate it.