Tomorrow I finally get to see my T...I am so nervous, scared really...it's easy telling you guys about the Nazi fantasy...but to tell someone face-to-face? I've only done a few sessions with him, but the last time he saw me I was having fantasies about gay men...so how am I going to explain the drastic shift from gay men to Nazis? I know it's because my sex life is nonexistant and my life in general is so dull which is probably why I am looking for a sense of danger and excitement...but I'm so nervous.

When I had my my T about the imaginary characters, he did not focus on them and the fantasy side to it, but more on what was causing them in the first place. I'm sure that's what is going to happen tomorrow with the Nazis, not focusing on the fantasy part but more of the cause...

I don't feel prepared about what to talk about...I have done a little rehearsing, but then it goes off into the fantasies and I lose track...

I need to keep it short and simple because he's going to go off of what I'm saying and shift it into the cause part...

So it started this month with Hitler fantasies, which had started when I learned about the Holocaust in the 9th grade but snapped out of it when the lesson was over...

After I had purchased the uniform, I set the appointment. You know about the uni fiasco...

The weekend after I went on a camping trip and the new characters had formed and since then I've created an elaborate story of their lives as Nazis.

Other mentionable things are dreams of Nazis almost every night, watching movies about Nazis, drawing swastikas in the shower, drawing pictures of Nazi zombies, listening to German music, learning German, among other things...

I've been thinking about this day all month and I don't feel prepared for it. I want his opinion about letting the fantasies run its course, or how I'm supposed to carry out my fantasies. To be honest, I don't want to stop fantasizing. I like it and it's not hurting anyone in real life. And I don't think it can get any worse than Nazis...