I don't think there's anything else I really could do. I'm very involved in my karate school (I'm training to be an instructor, I'm on the demo team...), which has caused pretty much all of them to care about me, even if I don't always realize it, and alot of the younger kids to really look up to me. Several of the younger girls have even copied my hairstyle, for example...

I just find it impossible to accept that anyone could possibly value or care about me. Logically I know some people probably do. But its like I can't accept or really feel it. I convince myself they must not really know me, because no one would care about who I really am.

I feel like I'm not supposed to exist, but its also like I don't really exist as a normal person. I'm detached from everyone else somehow, by something. Sometimes I even divide reality into two separate worlds in my head: people who deserve to be cared about, and people who don't. As you may have guessed, I'm the only person in that second category. And there's no reason for it necessarily, it's just the way things are.