I should have shared how my ex-hub reacted.

As long as my ex-hub and I were together, I was always in therapy. (17 years) It's been a rough life! We moved out from Ca to Mn when our older daughter was 3 years old, and the youngest was less than one year old. I was a stay at home mom. And I assumed that my ex's family would visit us regularly, or we'd visit them, and I'd make some friends, the girls would make friends. It would be great!

Well, it didn't turn out that way at all. No one ever called or came by. There is no mass transportation or even cabs out here. We only had one car, which my hub used for work, 30 miles away! He worked a screwy schedule. 8-5, 1-cl, 1-cl, off, 8-5, 8-5, 1-cl, off, etc. It SUCKED!! I'd left my huge sense of support in Ca, MOMS Club (they're awesome!!), and had nothing to fill the void within myself.

My physical health took a quick downturn, which added significantly to my depression, and my hub always minimized my condition when people called to check on me. It drove me crazy!! I felt as though I was living in a bubble, just dying inside, and I couldn't take it. I seriously planned on taking my pills one night, but I didn't have close enough to take my life. I did see a counselor at that time, on Eric's day (or morning) off, who told me to go to the hospital.

I was in for 3 weeks, but I never really felt better or any more secure in my marriage. Under pressure, my hub lied and told me that he loved me and would always be there for me. I went home. A week later, I decided to share my story with him. In a moment of complete trust, I decided to admit that I had these pills. I planned to say that I didn't need them anymore and give them to him in a moment of tust. However ~ the pills weren't in my special cabinet. Confused, I asked how this could be. He said that he couldn't ever be with a woman that he couldn't trust. A woman who would seriously consider suicide was not a woman for him.

That was the end of our marriage. I was really devastated after that and went right back into the hospital again! As you might expect I'm a lot more cautious that I was before, which was pretty bad then. Thankfully, my current bf stood beside me and didn't leave me. But that doesn't give me any faith. The doctors and hospitals don't have any listing of people they should contact if something were to happen to me.

I'm not trying to depress you ~ though it sure sounds to be heading that way. Keep what is most important to you at the TOP of your mind. Never take your mind off that thing/s. Be strong for your kids if you feel strong about becoming their main source of support, if by chance, something were to happen with your hub. Unfortunately, bad stuff happens. Hopefully, you and your hub will be able to rise through your depression together.