Hello!

Diamond Apple,

All I can say is, I too, was abused by an older child.

I am a girl. She was a girl.

I have suffered from disordered eating pretty much since I was 12.

I too, now I am 22, have never been in a relationship. I start things but, like you, back out at the idea of a relationship.

When I first started remembering I got flashbacks or fragmented memories-insomnia as well. IT's been 2 years since the memory first surfaced again.

However, I also get confused over my sexuality- which may be something you haven't experienced. Definitley have experienced a wide range of intimacy problems.

What worked for me, was accepting that the person was a child at the time of the occurence. I was able to have grace attesting to the fact that she was around 10-11 years old. I have never really focused on her, in terms of healing, although I find it interesting that she's a lesbian now... but, I find it more healthy to focus on myself and what I need to do to heal. I find more strength from that but, thats just me.

I couldn't help but, write and offer you some sort of support. To just basically write to say your not alone and with time, patience for yourself- you will heal. You already took a first great step by posting on here! I've been posting on here for almost 2 years. It was my beginning point until I went into counseling. I know how confusing everything can feel so take it all a day, a moment at a time.