oh- and then this morning my nurse asked me to list 5 things I like (and truely believe) about myself. As soon as she said that all I could hear was my ex abusing me- I guess he has done his 'job' really well. He has achieved in making me feel like the woman he has told me I am. Wearing my 'mask' I can pretend that nothing he has ever said or done has really affected me but confronted with a question like that strips the mask right away. I remember when I was about 16 and really depressed. I rang Youthline and the counsellor asked me the same question- obviously a fairly standard one but a good eye-opener- and I was feeling so bad about myself that I couldn't do it then either but for different reasons. Academically I know that there are loads of answers, but when you are in the middle of VERY heavy fog they are really hard to see.