Hmmm - not long ago I was in a similar position to you...very depressed, suicidal, cutting myself...I couldn't concentrate either. It's a horrible feeling. I love to read and I couldn't concentrate on it - I found it boring. I wrote in my journal - all my feelings, my desire to die etc. I wrote loads and loads. I began drinking alcohol too and smoking to help me feel better. But they didn't work.

Maybe you should go back to the library when you get back home. I don't know about you but I could spend a whole day in a library. If you don't feel up to reading adult fiction, read children's and teens' fiction instead (I do sometimes. It's easy to read and it's usually never about serious topics).

You say you go to church. Try talking to the people who are you own age there. Say something like, "That was an interesting/dull sermon, don't you think?" etc, and try to start a conversation from there.

I think it's really good that you can go to the library even though you feel anxious about going outside. I don't have this problem but I would like to suggest that maybe pretending that you're invisible when you go outside will help. (But don't walk into people. You're still solid!) That way maybe you will feel less self-conscious.

I think also that you may get the urge to burn yourself because your mother's tiredness gets you down. Maybe when she comes home, you can suggest that you watch a video together or play cards etc? Something which you can both enjoy and is relaxing, but not tiring. Maybe you could try to help your mother in some way? I'm sorry, I don't know your situation so these might not be applicable, but you could do the cooking or the housework. Maybe you should both go out for the day somewhere, the coast or a local beauty spot, or a funfair etc, just to get away from everyday life. Or go to the swimming baths, or treat yourself to a massage, or both join a gym.

I think that you should tell your therapist that you feel like hurting yourself. Then she can work with you to find out the trigger for this feeling and help you avoid it.

Please don't try burning. You have the strength to resist it, I know, but if you do try it, don't think that it is the end. You can use your willpower to overcome this lapse and put it behind you.

Maybe you should tell your mother how you're feeling? I know it is hard to tell a parent how you're feeling - my dad had no idea how bad my depression had got until I entered myself in hospital - but it is easier than you think. And if she does take it badly, you have this forum and your therapist to turn to.

Try reading Psalm 139, that might help you.

Sorry this is so long,

silver_queen