So I hadn't cut in months but last night, I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't even feel any pain at all when I did it. I had an appointment with my T today but I was too ashamed to tell her about the SI relapse. I emailed her when I got home.

I don't know how I am ever going to recover from this. Everything feels so out of my control and it's scary. I can't keep doing this but I can't not do it either. I feel trapped. There is no way out.