Hi forgivexforget, I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now - I know it can be hard to try to express these kinds of emotions, especially when you don't feel like you have someone you can trust. I thought lynn09's response was very encouraging, especially the part about not giving up in looking for a therapist you can connect with. If you're not sure where to start, I know from my time with Focus on the Family that they have counselors who will talk with you for free over the phone, and they may be able to provide referrals for counselors and/or psychiatrists in your area. The number is 855-771-HELP (4357). Just a thought... Take care of yourself, and know that all of us here care and want to help. HUGS!!