"I honestly don't know how to take me-time.. its so habitually ingrained in me to just give and give and give that taking, even in the smallest ways, pains me.." quote SilentEmpath

Yes, I can see that and it CAN stem from low self esteem in different ways. It is a need in you that only gets filled with the giving you do. The problem with that is that it makes you the prime candidate for becoming a victim of those who are very troubled and self absorbed, or even as you have already experienced, a narcisist who will take as much of you as they can get, and even then will never be satisfied. Or even worse, set you up to be a victim of some kind of abuse.

Yes, you can empathize with others that have self esteem issues, because you have that problem yourself. But to truely help people, you can't WAIT ON THEM AND SERVICE THEM. You have to learn how to give to yourself so you can encourage others to do the same.

This is a problem, even with some therapists. People choose that field and are often troubled themselves, devote many years to giving others therapy too. Then one day they are finally forced to recognize that they themselves never truely healed.

While a good therapist must provide a safe atmosphere for their patients. They also can treat much better if they themselves have taken the steps towards reaching to their own depths and finding resolve. Otherwise, therapy becomes nothing more than years of hand holding many patients.

My husband is a good example, he had low self esteem and chose to be everyone's hero. Well, first he became a binge alcoholic because thats what it took for him to find a group of friends, become a partier. But he then supplied them with pot etc too. Oh he took the hero role in many ways. And he fell short when it came to me and his own family. He also became the guy who would do what others would not as well, again the hero. Now he is in his 50's and finally realized that all that time, all he did was step up to do what everyone else didn't feel like doing, and he wasn't really a hero, it all just became expected of him. Finally he got it, and when he grew tired of picking up after everyone and picking up the slack constantly, all he got was anger and no one ever truely appreciated him like he thought. No one really repected him you know, they all just took advantage of him.

Hey, I was a giver as well, had trouble giving to myself as well. But after losing what I did have several times, I finally realized that many of the NICE things that I did, WERE NEVER TRUELY APPRECIATED, AND WAS ONLY EXPECTED OF ME. I think you can relate to that. Hurt others? You don't like to hurt others! But if you cannot make them happy, if all they do is take, take, take, what are your really taking from them? And giving? That should not include allowing others to cross your boundaries.
You have very few boundaries dear, because you still are finding yourself disappointed when what you DO give of yourself is truely NOT appreciated.

If you put a giver together with a taker who leaves first? The taker does. Often kind hearted giver type people are left alone many times in their lives. And they are really lonely if they cannot GIVE TO THEMSELVES.

Silent, this problem goes way back for you, you were imprinted with this problem, you have to look at this and find a resolve for it. If you can do this, you can help others do the same. I know where my own problems stem back to. I have had to relive it through this cursed disorder I have now. I had no idea I was so affected by the environment I grew up in. Like most people, I just thought I had to grow up and deal with it all. Oh, yes, try to accept people for the way they are, that is what I thought was right. But I also thought that enabling these messed up people was the right thing to do as well. Wow was I wrong. Ask yourself if YOU ARE AN ENABLER. Do you know what that is? Someone who will pick up the peices and messes others make for themeselves. And someone who allows others to continue to do things that are truely not in their best interests too. And you HAVE TO BE WILLING TO LEARN THAT LINE TOO. But how can you learn that unless you find that line within yourself, a line we all call BOUNDARIES as well as THE RIGHT FOR US TO BE HAPPY AS WELL.

Silent, I have spent years teaching children to REACH PAST THEIR OWN FEARS and WAYS OF DISABLING THEMSELVES. I have seen all kinds of negetive imprints and LOW SELF ESTEEM. And the one thing that I always loved is when a child finally pushed their way past their own low self esteem and actually accomplished something. Finally they walked away from me with a new sense of self accomplishment they didn't think they could have. And they came back wanting more, and I saw the lights go on in each child and it was good to see.

Silent, you are pretty, smart, very smart, and also very gifted in your artistic talent too. You have what you need to light your own light within, but you have to be willing to try. The one person stopping you is YOU. And this is not your fault, it was imprinted on you, but YOU CAN CHANGE THAT TOO.

Lots of people have things wrong with them. And many people have things wrong with them because of their imprinting that was never really their fault. Hey, I am no exception, as I mentioned, I have things wrong with me and it DOES go back to my early imprinting, in ways I never realized too. Oh, how I wish I was your age Silent and realized this the way I see it now, I would have done more than I did manage to do. I did push myself beyond my fears and self esteem issues many times in my life, so I do know that one CAN do this. And I DID set boundaries, but I fell short because of what I didn't see or know.

There is a reason why you seem to find these troubled people as well. It is not all bad, you identify with them. But to really help them, you have to help yourself first. And that means you are going to have to push the fear or distast or whatever reasoning you have in not GIVING TO YOURSELF "FIRST".

This so called friend is NOT GIVING TO YOU, he is TAKING from you and YOU ARE CONTINUING TO ENABLE HIME TO CONTINUE THAT BEHAVIOR. Well, sure he is weak and troubled, so, are you going to keep servicing and enabling that? And you are enabling the bad part in you to keep coming out only to service others and not yourself, otherwise you would not have even noticed his absense for two days. Actually you would have instead enjoyed the reprieve to be able to take time for yourself to do things for you. And you would have been hoping he would find ways to wean himself off of just asking you to constantly service his problem with being so self absorbed.

This young man you are friends with? He has to stop spending so much time mulling over not being born a woman, he has to stop constantly researching all these things that only feed that disappointment. And he cannot befriend women because he wants to dream that he is them somehow. Because he can never be someone else. He has to make a decision that if he really wants to be a woman then do whatever it takes to be a woman. And he can only be the height and skin color he is, he has to find his way past his regrets somehow. And you just listening to his constant whining gives him permission to just continue whinning. He actually needs professional help. AND if he cant take steps to truely help himself, THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT OR RESPONSIBILITY.

((((Hugs)))
Open Eyes