Wow, thanks for all the great responses y'all. @Nicoleflynn I'm a highly sensitive person too. I agree it's extremely hard in this world!

To others, I have told him (T1) about how I felt about him; we didn't get a chance to discuss it. I was in the middle of having a bad reaction to the meds and got suicidal and then I was in the hospital and by the time I came out, he was pretty much gone. He used to be super friendly and familiar with me and had given me his number when I was suicidal and I texted him (I know I shouldn't have) but when I came out of the hospital he was cold as ice. He didn't respond and then eventually he said he couldn't help me anymore. I haven't seen him since.

I've told the new T about him too. He said he doesn't see why I can't just go talk to T1 again and get some closure. I said because T1 doesn't want to see me anymore and I don't want to stalk the dude!

Then last week, after not contacting him for several weeks I wrote T1 to ask for a copy of his notes about me or at least his diagnosis. He said he would not discuss it over email but if I'd like to come in for one last session it would give us the chance to have the closure we didn't get to have before.

I told him I was too embarrassed to face him.

This whole thing is stupid. Can't we just forget the past couple of months and go back to him just being my therapist?? I told him I'd do the DBT thing in addition to seeing him. I want to see him again (well, I kinda want to see him again and I'm kinda mortified at the thought of seeing him again).

I went in for the DBT evaluation thing today and I told that T (T3 now) that I didn't see how it was possible for me to sit in front of someone for years who looks like a friend and acts like a friend but IS NOT A FRIEND and I'm supposed to tell my heart NOT to love them, NOT to care about them, NOT to want to know them and be close to them. I'm sorry but I just can't do that. My heart is simple-minded; it doesn't understand.

I just think that therapists should not just leave us. He was like a father-figure for me and the last thing I need is to be abandoned AGAIN by a father. This just was NOT helpful at all.