Hello Anika! I am sorry you are in this spot, but appreciate you sharing it. I think your anger is totally appropriate for the situation. There are a couple of things here that concern me. First, I'm assuming your boyfriend knows about your past issues with drug use and your ex-husband. If he knows that you have had these issues, it seems to me a big red flag that he would put you in the same situation. If I know my wife (or even friends for that matter) have certain areas where they have had struggles I do my best to be sensitive about it. I think it is just being thoughtful, which it sounds like he is not really being throughout this whole situation.

It also concerns me that he says it is easy to fix. That makes me think that he is only thinking of things from his own perspective. He doesn't seem to get that earning back trust after lying is not an easy thing to fix. Lying in a relationship is a serious problem! I think I disagree with your statement "I can't keep directing my anger at him". I am not expert on anger, and don't always handle it well myself, but I do think I have some understanding here. I'm not sure who else you would direct the anger at, it belongs towards him at least in part (and probably entirely). And you also said, "I agreed to work on the relationship as well". I think sometimes expressing what you are angry about (probably in a similar way to what you wrote here) is working on the relationship. I think in order for relationships to work well you need to be able to express when you are angry with each other.

I'm not sure if that is helpful to you, but mostly I want you to know that what you are feeling is appropriate to what has happened. If you feel that there is a part of your reaction that is triggering other things not related to your boyfriend (ex-husband stuff, childhood repression of anger stuff) then maybe try to work that part out with your therapist? As someone else said, I don't know how serious your relationship is or how long you have been together etc... But i feel that if a relationship is going to work out ultimately you will need to be able to "fight" in a fair and direct way. I do hope you are able to work all of this out Anika! And if you ever want to talk more I'm always happy to listen.

Take care of yourself, and I hope to hear more about how you are doing with this!