Wow, I got so many reply's. I wonder why nothing was sent to my e-mail. Oh, well I guess I'll just have to check back more often. First off I want to thank everyone for replying, just knowing someone has felt the same or similar helps. I will reply to each post below, but in only one replay.

Big thanks to : carrie ann, Pandarama123456789, Rose Panachee, and Fuzzybear for the hugs! And also anyone else I missed.

kazukivonhimmel: Its OK that you don't have any advise, thank you for sharing some of your story with me. I haven't always been empathetic, In fact I used to be pretty self centered. When my dad died though I finally understood what real pain was and ever since I've been terrified to hurt people. I can understand what you said about wereing a mask so as not to deal with the "are you OKs," I try to do that a lot. Thank you for the offer, but please don't take offense if I don't. Like I said in the beginning I'm really have a hard time talking right now. Thanks again for the replay, I hope things get better for you.

Pandarama123456789: Thank you for the replay. No I have not tried therapy though I would really like to. My family's budget is really tight right now and we have no insurance, so sadly even though I've begged my mom to get me help I still have not gotten any.

Leed: Thank you very much for that confirmation. I had been 99% sure I was depressed but a couple months ago someone asked me if I just had to much time on my hands and was over thinking it (I think the only reason they even asked was because my mood at the time had been set to bored, it still really effected me though).

I was a little mad at first but then I started wondering if maybe it was true, after all I wasn't upset all the time. Its not very nice to know your depressed, but at least I'm not worried if I'm some kind of faker or something now.

I've wanted to get therapy for maybe around a year now, but my family's budget is really tight and we have no insurance, so sadly even though I've begged my mom to get me help I still have not gotten any. You have however given me some hope that if I can find some way to see a therapist they might actually be able to help.

Thank you very much for that, hope is something I don't really have much of anymore, so every little bit helps. You take care as well.

CgRgSm: Thank you for the reply. I can relate to a lot of what you said as well. My life is at one of its worst right now as well, And a lot of time when I try to talk to my family they don't even here me because they are staring at there computer or phone. I didn't realize it until you mentioned it, but that's probably a part of why I'm having trouble speaking as well.

Thank you for the advise. I will try and hang around people more. Its hard and sometimes I'd really rather not be around people, but I'll keep trying. Sometimes I feel similar to what you described about my body as well. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm always so miserable is that my body is addicted to the cemical created when I'm upset or something like that.

You don't need to apologize. I don't see how anything you said would make someone call you a hippie. In fact I don't think there is anything wrong with being a hippie. Hippies were generally just peace loving people. My dad was a hippie and I'm proud of it. Who ever called you that is stupid. Its just like those people that call things Gay if they don't like it.

And don't worry you did help. Knowing there are people out there that can relate to me, gives me hope that there are people out there that can understand. And maybe one day I wont be alone here. I hope things get better for you.

Rose Panachee: Hi, thanks for the reply. I was the same way before I got depressed. I was so talkative in fact that my sister used to toon me out because I wouldn't shut up. I feel very similar to what you described. Especially the nothing to give, part. Its the mane reason I'm not talking to my friend right now.

Some days I fake it like you said, other days it just seems like I can ignore it. A lot of the time I'll find a book to read or show to watch. Its like I can live someone else's life for a while, or at least forget about my own.

Thank you for that advise. I usually talk to my mother about things, but when I talk to her about this she only seems to make it much worse. Maybe I'll try and see if I can talk to one of my sisters. I'm afraid to open up to them though, I don't know if I can take that risk again.

I'm going to assume T means therapist. I do not. We can't afford it now and have no insurance. I've begged my mom to take me to one but all she says is we can't afford it and that I should take a collage physiology class, so I can learn to treat myself like her mother did. I'm defiantly not going to do that, but I'm hoping maybe I can find something to help eventually.

Big hugs to you as well, and thanks again.