Hi all, It's been a while since I last posted anything here. Not much has changed really in all that time either. Everything is still the same just as it always has been, except that I get p*ssed off more frequently and have much less time for other people.
This post is really about my complete lack of relationships i.e. zero. I am just past the age of 29 and never had any kind of relationship whatsoever. I have always been very shy and I grew up hiding from everyone all the time. In essence I am invisible. No one ever notices me, even when I want them to. It is just that as I get older my chances of ever meeting a partner or even anyone is completely remote. I just can't see it happening. I can see myself living out the rest of my life as lonely as it always has been. But I can't stand that. I don't want to be alone.
Not so long ago there was someone that was interested in me but I wasn't interested them which is a complete U turn from the normal. At the time I felt I should let her down and not to take things further which was difficult to do and I don't know if I did it right. I know she ended up crying and I did as well only after leaving her. I knew how she felt about me but unfortunately I didn't feel the same about her. I felt really bad about it as well. I sometimes wonder if I should have just gone into a "relationship" with her even though I wouldn't have been happy, I wouldn't be alone. I figure that I would only have made her unhappy too and only end up hurting her which is the last thing I wanted to do.
This also makes me think, what if I can never find anyone that I am happy with because they don't exist? What if I can never be happy with anyone? Is it a problem with me? Maybe a few years ago I would have gone into a "relationship" with her because then I was desparate. I am still desparate now but it is sort of different??? I can't explain it.
What is best? Being alone and unhappy, or, not being alone and unhappy!

One other thing, sex (also non-existent). What is normal in terms of frequency and number of relationships? Is a 29 year old male who has never had sex or relationships normal? Would it be normal for said male to use the services provided by a prostitute? Is it wrong?