((((mortimer)))),

I had felt much like you for many years. And I always had this secret that would just not come out. I sat across from my therapist wanting to share, yet afraid to say it and was very torn just like you. But I did just talk about the subject and by doing that I listened to my therapist talk about how many times it happens and how EVERYONE that experiences these situations growing up all feel the same and it is more common that is openly talked about. And there is always self blame and shame and the sentiment of what you are expressing here. Yes mortimer I have that same emotional turmoil in me as well. In that you must realize you are not on an island alone, but is a sea of others who share the same turmoil you have. And it is an unspoken turmoil as I mentioned.

Once you find your way to letting these expriences out along with your personal confusion, you WILL learn that what you feel is shared by many and IT TRUELY WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. You are going to have to really mourn it and then learn to heal and live your life as YOUR LIFE. Yes, you will finally grow beyond the past and realize that you have every right to heal and finally grow beyond all these normal feelings that so many others deal with as well.

I am working on this myself, so you are not alone.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes